Aug 11
8
Bill Belichick has decided that after all the talk during the lockout about the Patriots lack of pass rush, he’s creating a monster defensive unit to take into the 2011 season.
He brought in 25 more defensive lineman on Monday, cutting a host of players to make room on the 90 man roster, including last season’s standout cornerback Devin McCourty, who finished with seven interceptions.
There were a many other top name players let go – all of which were surprising – but McCourty was the initial player who left everyone in shock over the roster moves.
When asked about the bizarre decision by the media, head coach Bill Belichick simply said McCourty, “wasn’t big enough.”
“We’re bringing in guys that we feel can help this team win,” said Belichick. ”It’s all about the match-ups, and Devin didn’t match up well against 300 pound guys.”
Belichick went on to explain that the plan is to line-up a defensive linemen at each position, and jam the tight ends and receivers at the line before they even get into their patterns.
“It’s tough to throw to them if they’re on the ground,” said Belichick.
 Vince Wilfork likely can’t believe what he’s seeing these days as the team continues to add size in the Patriots locker room. (FILE:Icon/SMI) |
When asked about the number of players he’s brought in, Belichick said that the decision was to have plenty of guys to rotate in and out to keep them fresh.
“Big guys get tired,” said Belichick. ”The guys are being asked to do a lot, and our goal is to put them in the best position to make plays. That’s what we always try to do.”
Following the release of McCourty and many other names including Jerod Mayo, Patrick Chung, and Leigh Bodden, there was a feeding frenzy on the Patriots’ free agents – much like fans saw during the early part of the free agency period following the end of the lockout.
Most coaches couldn’t believe the names coming across the waiver wire.
“I didn’t believe it,” said one NFL GM who requested anonymity. “Every one of those guys can start for pretty much any team in the league. I had heard there was a ‘philosophical change’ going on there, but this is definitely unconventional.”
Patriots defensive lineman Vince Wilfork has already seen the front office bring in Albert Haynesworth to line up next to him this season, but seeing them bring in so many big guys is something he didn’t expect.
“Yeah, we struggled getting pressure on the quarterback the last couple of years, and it seemed we’d made some moves to help address that,” said Wilfork. ”But it looks like we’re just coming hard right down the line on every play. We’ve tried it in practice, and even [Tom] Brady can’t get the ball to anyone. We’re knocking them all down.”
Wilfork admitted that when a receiver does get past them, he generally scores.
“None of us are fast enough to catch those guys,” said Wilfork. ”But the goal is to make sure that doesn’t happen too often.”
On Monday that didn’t happen much at all. On nearly every snap Wes Welker, Chad Ochocinco, and Julian Edelman were picked up and tossed back, while Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkwoski were stuck at the line before being pushed back thanks to additional bodies coming where the safeties would have been.
A clearly agitated Brady took off on one play, evading one would be tackler before running 50 yards for a touchdown. The only guy behind him was Haynesworth, who gave up after Brady was 20 yards down the field.
Haynesworth was then ridiculed by his teammates, since Brady isn’t exactly a guy who was considered to be a threat to run.
“That was my fault, I shouldn’t have let him get away,” said Haynesworth.
The veteran quarterback was frustrated that none of his guys could keep from getting knocked down, which made for a frustrating 11-on-11 drill.
“We’re just not doing the things we need to do right now,” said Brady. “I’ve only got five 300 pound guys, they’ve got 11. It’s a little ridiculous.”
That it is, but clearly Belichick has an idea of what he wants from his defense, and that’s plenty of size on that side of the ball. Which is why he continues signing guys for that position.
“We’ll continue to keep bringing in guys that we think will help this team win,” said Belichick. ”That’s not any different from what we’ve always done.”
When asked about this unconventional defensive strategy, Belichick replied, “That’s just a media fabrication. We’ve always brought in guys we feel can get the job done. I think people make more out of it than it is, but it is what it is, and it’ll be what it is when we make our final decisions.”
At that point everyone in the media got up and left due to being completely confused, only to find out about yet another transaction at that position.
This article is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only.